Paid in full...

I pray that I may become more like Him, less than me, every day.

Waiting...

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...

And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word."

"My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no' to which I can resign."

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a replay"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied again, "Wait.

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...

and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint."

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see."

"You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart."

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From and infinite God who makes what you have last."

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you."

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers seem terrible late,

My most precious answer of all is still...Wait."

God is with me...

winter retreat!!

I'm baaack!

alright, i've been back for a bit, but i'm just a great slacker when it comes to blogging. i'm here now~

i attended my fourth winter retreat this past weekend with 5 of y friends from my youth group, and we.had.a.blast. i mean, even apart from the rain and mud and altogether lack of sunshine (let's just say we were REALLY happy the times the sun DID come out!). we played a lot of fun games and heard so much great preaching from Dan Brubaker.

highlights.

i met a couple really great people.

i got to re-connect with a lot of people i hadn't seen in months.

it wasn't completely freezing this year (although we did get some beautiful flurries about 10 minutes before we left to go home...it was pretty perfect.).

i only fell down the basement steps once (trust me-big deal).

i learned a lot.

i dedicated a *giant* part of my life, something that has been burdening my heart for years, completely up to God.

that's the biggest thing. i mean, there are a lot of things i could have given up, but this is a really big deal to me. before, i was relying on myself to resolve the situation, trying my hardest in my own strength. but now i've realized that God is really the only one who can do anything about it, and if i leave it up to Him to work in His time, His will will be accomplished.

i am ever learning to rely on God to help me through each and every day and that i will learn more and more and more about Him.


                             

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Okay, so I understand completely that I have been lacking in every way of keeping up this blog thing I've got going on....

But anyhoo, here I am!

Since I have last talked to you, a great lot has changed! Last year I lost some friends, gained some friends (and a beautiful friend of a stepmother!), and grown much closer to God.

Right now I'm basically in the January routine of every year... School, church, music... the norm.

School- Boring as ever. The point has come where I have given up on being excited at all about doing really messed up Home Ec. assignments and learning about Chinese Dynasties. BUT I am, as always, extremely privileged to have these opportunities to learn and grow in knowledge (even if some of the knowledge is completely useless in my eyes....).

Church- Working on catching up from being in Texas for 6 weeks AND being sick at least 3 nights of Proteens this year! But I am striving to get back up and keep going. At the beginning of this Youth Group year, I was kind of apathetic toward all of it. I didn't not want to do it, but I didn't really care. But every day I am getting closer and closer to God now that I have brought back the fire of my desire to be in God's Word and learning about Him. I can't believe I went so long feeling the way I did about my devotions and about Bible reading! I am absolutely amazed by how much I have learned in the past few weeks of getting back into it. I'm also glad that I have a God who forgives me when I am completely ignorant of Him and what He has for me.

Music! I am of late getting back into my flute playing. I think the only reason I've been slacking is that I don't really have any new music, and I don't really have a teacher, so I'm not learning anything new. But I'll be back in the church orchestra and in whatever I can get into. I've had an alto sax. for a couple of months and I'm going to try to teach myself to play it (although, as Facebook videos prove, I'm pretty horrible so far...). And I'm getting a trumpet (or cornet-she can't tell) from my Aunt! It's supposedly very old, but I can deal with that! I'm very, very excited as I've wanted a trumpet for a long time. Next is a cello!!



Life is beautiful.

smile often,
lynn (:

My Chains Are Gone...

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

Evangelistic Meetings...

I ask prayers for our church as this week we are privileged to have Jerry Sivnksty speaking for our yearly evangelistic meetings! I am super excited for the many, many truths we may learn this week, and just being able to be together almost EVERY night this week! I used to always wish we could have church all the time, (when I was really small, obviously...) and this is the time we can.
 Pray...
 That hearts will be open.
 That Mr. Sivnksky will have the words to say to us as a congregation.
 That God will be honored and glorified.
 That people will invite, invite!
 That we, as individuals will be willing to change.
 That the decisions made will be put into action.

 I have always enjoyed these of days of total fellowship, and I always learn...

Learning....

this past week in my devotions i was reading in Jonah 3&4. the overall subject was "God loves People", and that is most definitely what i learned! I mean, we all know that "Jesus loves me", but this kind of love, one that gives and gives when we deserve nothing at all, is completely incomprehensible...
 the ninevites were horrible people....they stole, lied, murdered and committed sins we would find utterly disgusting and terrible.

but God loved them anyway.

doesn't that amaze you? that one can sin and sin over and over and over again, but as long as he is God's child, God will never, ever stop forgiving! i mean, i think about myself then....the way there are so many things that overtake what i could do for God, but go and do something else instead. over and over.

but God loves me anyway.

His love is so much, that He gave His Son, His only Son, to come down to this wicked earth and be condemned and tormented to death, so we could live. it's overwhelming! He gave His life, yet we refuse to give Him the smallest things. friends...music...purity...books. so much that could be given to Him, our lives!! but we tend not to, because we are human, and selfish.

but God loves you anyway.

i, myself, cannot understand just why, other than the fact that...Jesus loves me....

The Garden of My Heart

okay, so here is a quote/poem from a book series that i've been reading for a long time; Christy Miller. I really really really really love these books! they have taught me so much about God's timing in my life and just about growing up.
 this poem is actually a letter one girl had written for a guy in the very last book of the series, and she was trying to figure out what God wanted for her life. i really like this because it's not all about, well, a guy. it's including God in the areas of this girl's life, and not just rushing into a relationship. but praying it over, and realizing that God's timing is not our own; that we need to wait for God to tell us what to do...

 "Within my heart a garden grows,
wild with violets and fragrant rose.
bright daffodils line the narrow path,
my footsteps silent as i pass.
sweet tulips nod their heads in rest;
i kneel in prayer to seek God's best.
for round my garden a fence stands firm
to guard my heart so i can learn
who should enter, and who should wait
on the other side of my locked gate.
i clasp the key around my neck
and wonder if the time is yet.
if i unlocked the gate today,
would you come in? or run away?" 
                                          (Robin Jones Gunn)

 we all have a key that decides who comes in, and who stays out. i know i, for a long time, have been holding on to my key myself and not realizing that God should be the one to open the doors. but in the very end of this book, the main character (Christy) realized that she needed to giver her heart's key to her Father God. that in every aspect, God should be the One helping her figure things out. and wow, i was brought to tears. i had been holding on to my own key! i know now, that if my God is holding my key, and holding my hand, and i have the patience to wait for His Will, it will most definitely change my life.

 so what i really have to say is to pray for me! i really am just a girl, but i am God's princess and daughter. i'm learning day by day that no matter what, He is always caring and never forsaking....

i am not afraid!

okay, so maybe you guys have noticed that i am really big on sharing lyrics. it's just something i like to do, find songs, listen to them over and over again and then share the words with people who might get something out of it. anyhoo, this is a song that we're singing tomorrow morning in choir and i absolutely love it! it's so very uplifting and i think many people can relate to it. it's titled "I Am Not Afraid".....

 I Am Not Afraid
 In the emptiness of silence
 when the world has turned away;
 beneath the weight of sorrow
 when I can no longer pray;
 in the wilderness of worry,
 in the desert of despair;
 in the never ending darkness
 when it seems that no one cares,

 I am not afraid, I am not alone
 You hold me in Your hands and will not let me go.
 Though the waters rise, and though the wind may blow,
 I will not be afraid, for I am not alone.

 When there are no words of comfort
 that can stem the flow of tears;
 when I'm stranded at the center
 of a rising tide of fear;
 when there is no path before me,
 when my feet have lost their way,
 I remember you are with me
 and I am not afraid!

  I am not afraid, I am not alone
 You hold me in Your hands and will not let me go.
 Though the waters rise, and though the wind may blow,
 I will not be afraid, for I am not alone.

 I will not be afraid....I am not alone.

An Image After His....

"Many women have done excellently,
   but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
   and let her works praise her in the gates.
                 Proverbs 31:29-31

A humble, lowly contrite heart, believing, true, and clean.
which neither life nor death can part from Christ who dwells within.
A heart in every though renewed and full of love divine,
perfect and right and pure and good, a copy, Lord, of thine.
Thy nature, gracious Lord, impart; come quickly from above;
write thy new name upon my heart, they new, best name of Love.
                              
                                                             Charles Wesley (1707-1788)

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”
 -C.S. Lewis

Just a Closer Walk With Thee

I am weak, but Thou art strong;
Jesus, keep me from all wrong;
I’ll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Through this world of toil and snares,
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.

When my feeble life is o’er,
Time for me will be no more;
Guide me gently, safely o’er
To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

 Now, I know, I know, after reading that you're most likely not wanting to read any more, but I have something to say!!! (as i normally do....)

 I want you to be able to dig way, way deep into this song, and think about it all. The beginning...."I am weak" which oh, we are. I don't think I go a day without my realizing that I could not be able to do or go through anything by myself. But..."Jesus is strong"!! Wow! This is always an encouragement to me because we can always go to God, and He will always be there! We are never left alone or forsaken, and we can cast all our care on Him, who will redeem and refresh us. We should never (as very hard as it sometimes is!) be unsatisfied in the Love of God.

"Let me walk close to Thee..."

"Through this world of toils and snares..." We all know how many things can bring us down, whether it be just by temptation or if we've gone to actually do it. Satan is waiting out there to trap us in these "toils" and "snares", and we need to be on the lookout! "If I falter, who cares!" Wow. Again and again I am caught up in becoming self-conscious about my sins, but really? God is the only one who we really need to go to. (unless, of course, this sin concerns another...) And He is always ready to forgive! "Who with me my burdens shares? None but Thee, Lord, None but Thee." I think this really ties into what I said up there, God will never, ever leave us. And I believe that at one point or another, you are going to get to a spot where you feel that all is lost, that no matter what people say, you are completely alone. But this is so not true. I fall into this trap so often, that I have come to even pray that this doesn't happen in my daily prayer! Our heavenly Father is always there. It's like He's always a prayer away, which you can do anywhere! Anytime, and anyplace, He will hear you!

"Let me walk close to Thee..."

 "When my feeble life is o'er". I'm pretty sure this is self-explainable. This is when we die, or, I think, about to die. If I live to be really old, and I know I'm going to die, I know I will want to be able to look back and say... "I walked with the Lord!" I think that something like this should be the prayer of us all, really. I know I have seen and read about people who have lived and walked with the Lord and their stories have gone down through generations to get to us! I'm not saying I necessarily want to be one of those people, but I want to be like them. Follow their examples, and walk in their footsteps to becoming more like Christ! "Guide me gently, safely o'er To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore." Okay, I'm going to be practical. None of us know what heaven looks like. We can't even begin to imagine what God has planned for us after this life. I know we sometimes joke about eating pizza and drinking Mtn. Dew, (or maybe that's just me and my friends....) but really. God has created a place, a place beyond all expectation of any man or woman, that we are going to spend eternity. And I dont think we're going to go around like the world we live in now. Because we're going to be in such awe, we will fall at the feet of our creator!! How absolutely amazing it will be to be able to not only worship Him, but to be able to talk to Him, and walk with Him! Indescribable.

 So maybe I'm completely boring you with things you already knew, but I felt as if I should share what God has shown me today! Keep on living for Him....

Winter Retreat '11

Well, here I am again! I feel really bad, I haven't been on here in ages....

 This past weekend I went on the SHCM Winter Retreat, and I. had. a. blast. I had so much fun just being able to visit with all my friends and those I haven't seen in so long! I think that really is one thing that I look forward to anytime I go to camp! :) Mr. Shawn Madrid was the speaker, as many of you know, he is Mr. Fry's son-in-law, and he spoke the message at my Junior Camp '08 when I was saved! So this was a really great experience to hear him speak again!
 He spoke on mainly one subject. The matter of the Heart. Not like, y'know the thing that keeps you alive heart, but our (as he told us) mind. Feelings, intellect, and will. Every decision we make comes decided by our heart.
 I think what really spoke to me was the giving of your heart to God. Yeah yeah, we hear this all the time at church. But really, it is a very serious matter! God set our hearts in one place when we were saved. He based it on the Will of Him. The place God made them to be for the rest of our lives! But we, as humans, have divided our hearts. Whether be little things that we think don't matter, or big things that we know are very wrong, but just don't want to get rid of them. I think some examples may be friends, music, and our thoughts. When God asks for our hearts, He doesn't mean part of it. Not half of it, not even 99.9%!  Solomon was one example. He walked in the Lord, and he loved Him wholly! But in one mistake, one thing he did not want to give up, he fell away. His problem was women. Maybe yours is one of the things that I mentioned just a minute ago. Maybe you think that if you can hide it from others around you, you can just ignore that God sees it. But no. It's all in your heart, and God sees every dark corner of the heart. We cant ignore the problem, only work to fix it.
 So I guess what I'm trying to get across is something that Pastor Madrid said in one of our evening messages. That we need to fix it NOW. No waiting for someone to come along and tell you to do it, but immediately after you realize that it is wrong. Because our hearts cannot be trusted, and they are going to tell us to go the other way. One little thing can take us away from the spot where our Father placed our hearts, so we need to catch the temptation before it catches us, and destroys our lives.

 Yeah, that might be alot to take in, but it's the Truth from The Word. And I know my life was, maybe not in massive ways that will add to my testimony, but in little things, was changed. I hope this brings some realization to your heart.

 Keep trusting Him!

                                                  (view from the room we stayed in)

The Beginning...

Well, here we go! I'm surprised I hadn't put this up earlier, but this is my salvation testimony. How my Father saved my wretched heart and turned me toward Him.

 I had grown up in a christian home, and I knew practically everything about the Bible a 6th grader could know. I went to church Sunday mornings and evening, Wednesday nights, and every activity I could make it to. But really? It was all a habit. It was my lifestyle and I did it all without even thinking about it. The came a time where I realized..."Wow...look at all the things my friends get to have". Y'know, the ones who didn't have to go to church and made fun of me when I talked about it. Then I saw how good it looked. Like really, they get get to wear what they want, listen to what they want, and do what they want. And I wanted it. I wanted to do what they were doing! So I did. I began to listen to some really bad music, which came to an attitude problem. And I did end up doing what I wanted. Not in the ways that they had, but in my own little way, I knew what I wanted, and I was going to try my hardest to get it.

 So along comes summer of 2008. I had been going to Servants Heart Camp since, well a good 5 years at that time, and I loved it! I loved being able to hang out with my friends and play the games and just have a ton of fun! I didn't mind the preaching, but it was definitely not my favorite part. Especially this year. I didn't want to change anything!! Nobody really knew what I was doing, so who cared? The first night (I know! the very first night!) Mr. Shawn Madrid was preaching on the Bridge of Life, and my, oh my was I challenged. I had seen this tract a million times, but only then was I beginning to want to do anything about it. The tears were flowing before he was even halfway through!  I was heartbroken for Christ. He gave His very life for me, so why couldn't I give even the smallest over to Him? How could I be so selfish?? It was very different raising my hand for the invitation. Everyone there though I was saved! They had thought I was living for Christ until then. Until I gave up the fight and let my sins be washed away. Not just covered up, but completely washed away!!

 I went out with Rachelle Fry to talk about what I was going to do that night. I was crying so hard. I couldn've told you why then, but now I know. Because I was almost free. I was so close to giving it all to Christ! Well, I prayed a silent prayer. No, I can't quote what I said back to you. All I remember is it consisted of the basic salvation prayer, and a whole lot of I'm sorrys. But when I opened my eyes, I knew peace. For a long time I had known nothing but hate and fear, but right then? I knew joy, and peace, and happiness! I cannot put into words what I felt that night. I wanted to tell the whole world!

 Well I got inside the Activity Center and we went to tell my junior counselor. Chrystal Dierking, you know who you are! :) She saw me cry, as the words came out that I had accepted Christ! It was the most amazing thing, being surrounded by Christians who wanted to know this and were willing to pray with me right there!! It was so very encouraging to know that I wasn't alone. Because even now, I am still friends with those people, and I have made so many more along the way! I can't even type out how grateful I am for all of you. I don't tell you enough!

 This was only the beginning of my story. God has moved in so many ways, I'm not sure I'll ever finish typing! Every now and then I may continue this story of my life on here, just to let you all know how very great our God is. How He has changed and molded me (and still is!) to be more like Him. No, I'm not even close to where I probably should be, but I am growing. Each day I want to learn something about my God that I can write down  and look back to. I've been doing this for a couple of months now, and wow! The pages upon pages of things I've learned and realized about Him? It's overwhelming!!

 And like I said...
                                              ....this is just the beginning.

Leaders In Training Conference....

Wow! What a way to refresh your heart spiritually! I think we all had a amazing time getting to meet some people as well as being able to catch up with some old friends! :)

 The whole thing didn't work as it had years before, in way of the layout of workshops and sessions. Normally you would choose your workshops and go! But this year we were all focusing on one subject. Purity. Yes, a subject that we should probably talk about more than we do. Because I can tell you, in my own life that is, that it's probably not something we think about everyday. But it really should be! We are daily faced with issues in morality whether in worldly dress, television, and even pressuring friends. We can all be led down that road that ends in misery and breaking of hearts. Purity is a great gift that we have all received that we can give to someone someday. But really, what it comes down to is that none of us are completely pure in every aspect or degree. We will be tempted and tried, and maybe people will pressure us to do or think about things that can hurt us morally. It really is sad what this world has come down to. But we can be free...

 ...because despite all our mistakes, the most amazing part of it all is that, if we let him, God makes us truly pure. In mind, body, and soul! Whether we've made those mistakes or not, God is always ready and willing to forgive! His amazing grace can save from the greatest of sins. He also wants us to become more like Him after this forgiveness. Even though maybe it seems as all others around you pressure you, we have been given all the strength we need to overcome!! We've been given all we need by our Father to be mighty in this world. We simply need to let Jesus work through our trials, our failures, to make us shining lights in a dark world...